Self pity always hurts

I had to jeopardize my credibility to one of Nashville's larger media sources yesterday, just to make my client happy (my client for only the next six months.) I hate that.

It's the rule in media:

If you have a story that you really, really like about a client you really, really, really like and its worth every bit of the 2:00 for a package and you've spent tons of time planning for it...the media will never show.

But if you hate a story idea, realize it's not worth mentioning, but the client insists you pitch it and you do, don't even make follow-up calls and get sick thinking about media coming...they will come.

As you can guess, the later was me yesterday. I'm glad the client is happy, I'm glad to have my job, but having to bite the bullet and pitch what you know is a terrible story idea every once in a while because the client insists...sucks.

The last liberal safe house I didn’t know about

I work on a project at my agency that I find less and less palatable every day. They became even less palatable when they told me about five working days ago that I needed to have a statewide student rally planned in seven working days.

So even though I wasn’t very happy with their micro-short notice, I, wanting to keep my job, kicked my ass in gear. Not to brag, but I’ve got one planned (shit yeah, Bitches!!!!!!!!)

The college student that I’m working with, while we would probably never meet otherwise, is very useful in helping me keep my job. She’s very connected to her school and her 300+ like-minded compadres. So the rally’s on! As long as five of them show up, I’m pleased. There are at least that many people at my office that are still young enough I could use as filler. Hell, call it a mob!

So I was talking to Ms. Connected this afternoon and we were discussing how to get the word out to more students that may not hear about this otherwise. Trying to get the juices mingling, I started throwing out what seemed to me obvious ideas about where to post flyers for an event – their university center, campus dorm/apartment buildings, the coffee shops like (my beloved) Bongo Java.

Ms. Connected interrupts, “Whoa! What? We’ll get chased out of there! That’s a total liberal fortress!”

What??!!! I mean I love that place and always feel comfy there, but never in my times enjoying a talk with the nun bun or scoring some free wi-fi over my frothy latte did I think I was surrounded by a bunch of tree huggin’, pot smokin’, greenpeace lovin’ liberals!

I had to start coughing to cover up my savage laughter. I some how managed to get out that “Wow, I didn’t think of that.” And “Well, talk to you tomorrow afternoon – we’ll sort out details then.”

Truth is, I never would have thought that Bongo Java was a liberal stronghold, and quite frankly, I still don’t. Maybe Ms. Connected has never experienced the luxurious latte they whip up or has plenty of money to buy internet and never has marveled in the glory of free wi-fi. Regardless, I am convinced that at anytime, you will find a good ole boy, Bush lovin’ Republican suckin’ down his espresso right there in the mix of it.

I mean really, guys. I know the issue of partisanship is getting way out of hand on the Hill, but when did our ultra-caffeinated café’s become a right or left establishment? Do conservatives not need caffeine to survive? Is there some new robo-Republican I hadn’t heard about? (I mean, I had my hypotheses, but really??!!!)

Well I guess if it has to be that way, I’m glad I’m the one with the cup of coffee.

...but really, y'all.

meet the other Big E

I was sitting in my office this afternoon when one of the partners who has his name on the front door of my office building came in and sat down.

"That good girl, E. So quiet."

Yeah, pick your jaw up off of your keyboard. Yes, he said, and meant I am a quiet person. Aka. one that refrains from talking, giggles around the water cooler and does her work vigilantly.

Feel like you've been deceived for all this time? Yeah, I kind of do, too.

At first I said, "Mr. T, you have no idea," but then I thought about it...and he was pretty much right on. Sure I have a good laugh with my next door neighbor and a few other ladies outside the office sorority, but really, I'm kind of the quiet one.

You may still be thinking, "this is impossible, E. It's all relative anyways." Maybe partially true, but after some reflection, I'm morphing into something else, at least at work. But some things will always remain the same (this being a prime example):

I, the Big E, will never cease to shock your socks off.

The Kingdom of Krull

Last night, the Tall One came to a realization about he and I's relationship:

"We always do the things high people do...but we're never high."

The Tall One is very amusing. He makes me laugh all the time - even when I don't want to.

Apparently eating Sherbert while watching Krull and acting out a Samurai-Ninja relationship is what high people do.

As you have now realized, last night we watched Krull - the epic renaissance-themed, sci-fi "hit" that he just had to have. If you haven't seen it, you should...but only when you're under the influence of lots of drugs.

In a nut shell, two kingdoms unite to defeat "the Beast" that lives with his henchmen in a rock-formation-but-really-made-of-iron castle that disappears every morning and relocates to some cooler part of the planet. The Beast busts up Lissa and the new King's wedding and steals Queen Lissa before they can finalize their vows by Lissa setting new King's hand on fire. The Beast intends to marry the queen, and new King sets out to find his woman. He gets help from the old guy who comes out of the mountain, a cyclops, some robbers (including Liam Neeson) and a magician who turns himself into a basset-hound puppy, among other things. They ride some "fire mares" (aka. draft horses with computer generated flames coming out of their feet) across the planet and a ravine (think E.T. bikes in the sky style.) They break into the castle and find the queen who finally gives her flame to new King that seals their matrimony and new King starts throwing his flame everywhere, blowing shit up and kills the beast. The rock/iron castle disappears and they all live happily ever after.

The Tall One thinks that is how all marriage ceremonies should be conducted. I laughed...really hard.

I gave him one last ninja jab to the neck and went to bed. He gave me a samurai punch and watched all the special features.

The Tall One is very amusing.

i am not a car saleswoman

I went to an interview yesterday. And i didn't go because I hate my job and want to get out of this "god-forsaken place." I simply went with dollar signs in my eyes.

I'm starting to hate the color green. It always reminds me how little I have to my name and how much I owe the good folks at EdFinancial, my pals at Capital One, those morons in the big house in Washington, etc. etc. blah blah blah. I do love my green coroduroy coat, but even it could use to be taken up a little in the sleeves.

Regardless, I interviewed with the corporate office of a large car company yesterday. I was "on." I love to interview and when I leave I always feel like I could break the law for half and hour or so and not get caught. It's just something I enjoy. But working in a glorified call center for at least a year is not something I can stomach.

But the money! No! ...but the money?... STOP!!!

This is the fight I have with myself all the time. This is why I dog-sit on the holidays and babysit on Trivia night...I give up all the good stuff just to keep ahead of my payments. Blast it all to Krull.

Sigh. I do have a good life though. I should not be so worried. I'm gonna give myself ulcers, you know?

F-ing pantyhose

These things are the vile, constrictive lace of the devil anyways; but I just put a big ole run in my hose - both legs - and I'm stuck with them for another two hours. Yeah, got a meeting, too. Stupid, stupid pantyhose. And I wouldn't have a problem with ripping them off right this second if my legs weren't 5+ months hairy. Ah, Life's dilemmas.

I'm way too competitive

I'm getting home-boring.

I can be a blast if you meet me out and about with a tumbler of Jack or swinging around the columns of the Parthenon and running with the pigeons, but I'm home-boring.

Let me try and explain in several points.

Last night the Wraith and I went to Target to buy curtains for my house (Pt. 1) in hopes to make my gas bill less painful (subtract 1 pt. for functionality.) We split up and by the time we got back together I had a curtain rod, a set of curtain panels and an olive oil container to put my dish soap in (Pts. 2, 3 and 4) and the Wraith had a wok, Mancala, a three-in-one chess, checkers and backgammon set and the special edition DVD of the Iron Giant (Pts. 5, 6, 7 and 8.)

"Board games? I love board games!" I thought. We returned to the games section to see what else they had. Board games have become substantially cheaper due to the video game surge lately and I picked up Monopoly for $9.97 with a rebate card attached (Pt. 9.)

I should preface this next part with the fact that I never got to play Monopoly at my house when I was growing up because by the time I was old enough to understand, a great deal of the paper money had been misplaced in other games including "grocery store," "pet store," and "fortune telling" (reading the future costs big bucks.) So I was kind of clueless. This should have been a sign - a sign not to play.

We start playing and of course, my amateur skills and bad dice rolling luck quickly get me into ugly mortgages, bad property trades and quite a tiff. This is your warning - don't try and teach me a new game unless you have very thick skin...and don't expect me to smile through my first reaming.

All in all, the Wraith was a good sport and tried to teach me a life lesson of patience. And like all before him, he fell to my die-hard (and accepted) personality flaw that can not be overturned.

He said I should work on it. I hear that a lot. I always try, but gosh darn it I just wanted to put a house on North Carolina Ave. and get out of all my debt. But then again, maybe the game was just a little too similar to my real life for me to take right now.

...I'll get him one of these days.

kitty treats

I took my lovely cat Mumbles to the vet yesterday morning. I was a wreck. New vet. Strange mangey dog in the lobby coughing up phlem. Smells like cleaning solutions. I left her in her carrier with comfy red towel with the lady who identified herself as "Missy." I hate that name. It was just a bad morning. I told Mumbles I'd see her in a bit and the usually bubbly Mumbles looked me straight in the eyes and let out the longest "meow" you've ever heard. It felt like an hour, granted it was realisticly 10 seconds - but that's a long time!

Fast forward a few hours, I'm a wreck at work thinking about my girl (I didn't realize I'd turned to the dark side - "one of those pet owners") and finally I get to pick her up at lunch. I sang in the car all the way back to my house. I was so happy to see her - she was not amused.

So I thought some treats would brighten her spirits - not to mention her belly after getting maximum de-worming doses. I pulled out a bag of moist chicken treats. She didn't even acknowledge its existence. Then I pull out a bag of hard, crackity, X-brand tuna flavored treats I got for Christmas. She went nuts.

The moment of realization: I always have bought my cat treats based on my own favorite tastes and textures. That's just kind of wierd by itself. But I'll be damned if she doesn't give a chicken's feather about her expensive treats as long as they taste like fishies.

I love my cat. She's so independent and stong-willed - just like her mom.

salt and PEPPER

I just finished crying. Not because I got my heart broken, stubbed my toe, anyone died or something icky like that. But because I put way too f-ing much PEPPER on my stir-fry vittles.

I should have prefaced this by saying, "I love Mongolian BBQ. Mmm. Mmm. MMM. I could eat it every day of my life. Noodles, meat, water chestnuts (for texture) and all those sauces and fun tasting powders. Always something new everyday and I control the novelty of it. I love Mongolian BBQ. Mmm. Mmm. MMM."

I ate my lovely concoction at my desk. And I'll be damned if a full teaspoon of common black pepper will clear the sinuses. It is my new favorite spice - and thank God it's cheaper than saffron. I just wish my mascara hadn't run - I was looking so nice 'til now. Good hair day and I even ironed my shirt this morning. Shees.