Brassiere Critic

I almost forgot I had a blog until today.

You see, I want to critique skimmies for a new, online, Consumer Reports-type site that all the writers do is receive packages of bras and undies in your size, wear them and write about them. Dream work.

So I needed some writing samples that highlighted areas of knowledge other than my vast understanding of car maintenance, whiskey distillation and farm products. I needed to show I am a recovering People.com addict that knows what's hip (do they still use that word?). I needed some meat. So I tried remembering my blog's web address - took about three tries - and then started to read. Is it bad I was entertained with myself?

I picked a few of my favorites - Poop Pains, There's a First Time for Everything and New Person Lunch - and sent them with a Bobby Hamilton column on the hottest new car technology (talk about diversity) to the contact. I neglected paying clients for close to an hour.

Pick me! Pick me! I'm perfect for this job!

There are officially three bras that Victoria's Secret carries in its stores that are my cup size. Of those three, two look more like a car bra for a Beretta than lingerie. One fits comfortably. I bought it in every color available. It still looks like two skull caps strapped together though.

So this site is wanting critics to review "high-end boutique brands with upscale lines." Seeing J-Lo, Dolly and all the High School Musical girls' boob jobs, I know there's got to be a designer out there that makes bras for girls like me. I'm your ideal candidate!

So cross your fingers. I may actually have to devote a full drawer to undergarments if it works out. And my two bras that get rotated between day after day might get a well deserved break.