Mister Dog

The Tall One and I are going to visit his family in East Tennessee this weekend. I am particularly excited because about 30 minutes from his house, the National Storytelling Festival will be happening in Jonesboro, Tenn.

I've never been to the storytelling festival before, but I can only imagine how wonderful it will be. I mean, really. There's not much better in the world than being read to - especially at bedtime. Maybe I can convince someone at this festival to read one of my favorite bedtime books aloud - Mister Dog.

If you haven't read this book, you should. Regardless of how old you are. It's about Crispin's Crispian - the dog who belongs to himself. Crispin takes himself for walks, smokes a pipe and romps in a field with cats and bunnies. Bliss. And now that I think of it, this book may have a lot to do with my ferociously independent nature...and decorating style. His house rocks!

The boy who belongs to himself is in this picture. Crispin makes friends with him and invites the boy to come live with him. They share their foods for a soup - a bright green vegetable and lots of meat. Clean up the house together. And most importantly, at the end of the book, my favorite part:

"And then what did he (Crispin's Crispian) do? Then he curled up in a warm little heap and went to sleep. And he dreamed his own dreams.That is what the dog who belonged to himself did.

"And then what did the boy who belonged to himself do?The boy who belonged to himself curled up in a warm little heap and went to sleep. And he dreamed his own dreams.That is what the boy who belonged to himself did."

Which makes me think, maybe the story of Crispin's Crispian is a lot like the story of the Tall One and I. And that makes me quite happy - because like I said, this story is my favorite one of all.

Brassiere Critic

I almost forgot I had a blog until today.

You see, I want to critique skimmies for a new, online, Consumer Reports-type site that all the writers do is receive packages of bras and undies in your size, wear them and write about them. Dream work.

So I needed some writing samples that highlighted areas of knowledge other than my vast understanding of car maintenance, whiskey distillation and farm products. I needed to show I am a recovering People.com addict that knows what's hip (do they still use that word?). I needed some meat. So I tried remembering my blog's web address - took about three tries - and then started to read. Is it bad I was entertained with myself?

I picked a few of my favorites - Poop Pains, There's a First Time for Everything and New Person Lunch - and sent them with a Bobby Hamilton column on the hottest new car technology (talk about diversity) to the contact. I neglected paying clients for close to an hour.

Pick me! Pick me! I'm perfect for this job!

There are officially three bras that Victoria's Secret carries in its stores that are my cup size. Of those three, two look more like a car bra for a Beretta than lingerie. One fits comfortably. I bought it in every color available. It still looks like two skull caps strapped together though.

So this site is wanting critics to review "high-end boutique brands with upscale lines." Seeing J-Lo, Dolly and all the High School Musical girls' boob jobs, I know there's got to be a designer out there that makes bras for girls like me. I'm your ideal candidate!

So cross your fingers. I may actually have to devote a full drawer to undergarments if it works out. And my two bras that get rotated between day after day might get a well deserved break.

By the way...

You may be wondering, "where have you been?"

To that I say, "Don't dwell on the past."

But I'm in a new house - and the Tall One and I have internet access.

Maybe this will become a more frequent party for me.

No promises though...

Usefulness and female felons

It's not even worth counting the days it's been since I've used this blog to express what I'm thinking. Ironically, I could probably count about as many days that I did not want to think about anything post-5 p.m. because my job sometimes just 'does me like dat.'

Never the less, yesterday was a particularly great day at work. Qualifying a day of work as great rarely comes to me because I decided about a year ago that I hated using the word because at my childhood dinner table you could get away with saying your day was 'good' or 'fine' and you didn't have to say anything else because as long as it wasn't 'bad' or 'okay' you didn't have to explain yourself. Being great would qualify having to explain yourself as well, so I usually avoid it, too. (I hate communicating post work for the most part - unless I really like you.)

But it was great, and I'm ready to explain myself, because it left me with some satisfaction in thinking 'My job can in fact be useful.'

Now I realize that people across the world would not be paid to do my job if it were a 'useless' occupation, and I do feel as though every day I am doing something productive for somebody somewhere, but yesterday, I got to use my skizilz to help a friend. Not only a friend - but my best friend.

That's when you feel useful. That turned a fine day into a great day and I became an asset with a skill and knowledge that could help her further her cause - her passion (and lucky for her, her job as well.)

I poured myself into that press release - I quit working on my client work (shhh. don't tell) just to make sure I got it done and done right for her deadline with the Indy Star.

So maybe this is a little anti-climactic, but it felt damn good. Check out the release below (very cool story) - and if by chance you're with some major news outlet - you can contact me at anytime. I'd be happy to answer any questions you have or arrange a time for you to meet with the Craine House experiment volunteers or leadership...(end PR voice)



Craine House to expose the obstacles female felons face in the workforce
Riding buses, getting a job – everything’s harder with a felony and kids

INDIANAPOLIS (July 6, 2006) – The job market is tough – especially when you’re a felon and a single mom.

Under Indiana state law… But as the John P. Craine House has found, that is not necessarily the case.

The Craine House is an alternative sentencing program for non-violent female offenders and their pre-school aged children. As part of their services they provide women with educational training and help to assist with job placement.

“Our correctional system may do an excellent job of detaining felons, but it does a terrible job of preparing men and women for the workforce after prison,” said Suzanne Pierce, executive director of the John P. Craine House. “Felons who find themselves unable to get a job are more likely to go back to the criminal cycle because they can’t support themselves or their children.”

“We must break the cycle.”

While living at Craine House, women are expected to find employment within thirty days. Amidst a sea of other barriers including a criminal history with a felony, arranging and coordinating childcare on a limited budget, insufficient education, and a minimal work history, the women at Craine House begin the job search in a new city with little guidance, and no transportation, as they are not allowed to drive.

As an investigative study, the Craine House is sending two Craine House volunteers into the streets of Indy with one goal – to get a job. But first, just like the felons, they’ll have to navigate the Indy bus system to get the kids to daycare and use the bus system again to make it to their 9 a.m. interviews. All of this, and then they have to get the job while “admitting” they are felons.

Through their experiences, the Craine House hopes to discover the reasons why the women they serve are many times unable to successfully return to the workforce.

“Many times, we think it shouldn’t be a big deal to be able to clean up, go out, get a job and live the American dream,” said Suzanne Pierce, executive director of the John P. Craine House. “But the women we serve have ceaselessly had issues in finding employment and we aim to find out why and make changes in our programs and in their lives that will help send these women and their children into successful, healthy jobs and lives.”

The John P. Craine House is a non-profit organization that has served incarcerated women since 1978. Since 1993, Craine House has been one of six facilities in existence in the United States and the only one in the Midwest open to both women and their pre-school aged children. For more information about the Craine House and its programs visit www.crainehouse.org or call (317) 925-2833.

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Brokeback memorabilia

So I wasn't completely accurate in my profile...but pretty close:

'Brokeback' shirts sell for $100,000

American Idol in the lobby

All Monday morning it was another report:

"I just went downstairs to creative, and I saw her bra strap!"

"Her hair's down to her butt!" "No it's not, it's at her shoulder blades."

"Do you think that hair color's natural?"

"She's way shorter than she looks on TV."

Yes, Carrie Underwood's producer folk, decided that my company's front steps and lobby were the best place to film her latest video. So Monday morning, we started off our workweek by walking around our building and in the back door (not to be seen.) The police even directed us out in the middle of the street (mind you this wasn't a downtown holiday) so that we wouldn't "mess up the set" (aka. our sidewalk.) Carrie then proceeded to strut in and out of our building upwards of 50 times (the front desk person recalled) and played the same 20 seconds of her song over and over again for about two hours.

Kind of a pain, but having the bragging rights of "that's my building!!!!" when watching CMT's country music countdown on Saturday mornings - that's worth every inconvenience of it.

E's brush with stardom No. 3.

Do I hear $25,000

All you Brokeback Mountain fans out there, be sure to check out the Ebay sell of the shirts worn by Ennis and Jack in the movie.

Brokeback shirts for sale



For the sake of entertaining myself, I would like to profile who I think will be the highest bidder:


Kenneth is a computer-techy exec in Silicon Valley. He's gone on three dates (with women) in the past 5 years. He plays Halo online because he doesn't like his friends spilling Fanta on his couch. Last Friday he decided to go see Brokeback Mountain because with the Olympics starting and all, he figured no one would be at the theatre. While watching the movie, Kenneth realized why he has felt so lost for so long and went on two dates in one night (with men.) He's never been happier. Kenneth sold-off all his stock in his company and plans to move to the south of Canada. He hopes to find himself and that one other cowboy who loves him while there. He refuses to leave without the shirts. If he loses the auction, he's alrady figured it out. He will bug the UPS's shipping software and ensure his package is safely delivered.

Happy bidding, Kenneth. I hope you're real.

The pigs are flyin'!

If you fly Delta this month, be sure to check out the 'Learning Curves' feature story about 'The Jack' in Delta Sky Magazine (their in-flight publication.)

This is one of those, "My job can be rewarding," moments. I pitched this story to the editor, David Bailey, and we ended up inviting him to attend. He is one of the best media judges we've ever had and a sweet, Southern man at that.

Right on 'Cue

As a matter of fact, you should make it a point to fly Delta - just to pick me up a copy for my clip archive.

Making the State of the Union tolerable

How the hell did you do that, you ask?

I had four long necks before the thing ever came on. I was blitzed - and luckily for everyone on my block relatively subdued to sit through the speech. I will admit that halfway through I found it necessary to request a Jack on the rocks from the tall one (I couldn't have poured it if I tried) but we made it through the whole speech.

And what's the deal with this "and we're going to find new sources of energy in ethanol and other alternative fuels?" What a change of song!!! Yet he doesn't even believe a damn word of it! I mean really, his daddy, all his good ole boy clubs and the oil corporations that funded his past two campaigns would turn against him in a heartbeat. And even if he didn't care - I still don't believe it...until I see it...and breathe it.

God help America.