Poop pains

Now I admire a woman who can look me straight in the eye as we are discussing business and tell me, "I'm going to have to get back to you on this. I have incredible poop pains right now."

Granted we all get "poop pains," but to share that information with a co-worker? That's bold and daring! My kind of lady.

Which brings me to another issue: Pooping at the office. We are fortunate enough to have a three-stall model lavatory with a separate room for 'business' and 'cleaning up.' This is my favorite model due to the fact that you can escape your stinky instead of endure the agonizing post-poop-stinch pains as you wash your hands (while singing happy birthday all the way through at least once which according to Oprah will get you germ free.) But there are downfalls as well. Namely, if you've gotta poop, and someone moves in next door.

My favorite stall to drop my friends off at the pool in is without a doubt the handicapped stall. More room to spread out and concentrate. And let's face it, who likes straddling the toilet in order to get out of the door (because none of us are less than five inches wide.) I am giddy happy when I walk into the business section and no one else has the urge. There's just something a little unnerving about pooping in the same room as your peers. I'm not performance shy, don't get me wrong here, but who wants to hear the pitter patter of poop plopping in the bowl...that's not yours! "Not I," said E.

So thank God, when I went rushing down the hall to take care of a little unexpected business, the coast was clear. The moral of this story?

If you're going to poop at the office, be sure to let everyone at the table know you've gotta do number two...and lock the door behind you.